As a kid, I was deeply affected by the story of Cinderella and if someone in the family asked who your favorite is, I’d proudly declare her name. I wanted to wear apparel like Cinderella and wanted to have fairy as a friend. When somebody asked why I enjoy her so much, I’d say because she’s beautiful, honest and kind. She helps others and does great things to even people who are bad. She says “No”.
As children, we learned that saying no was inappropriate. We grow up watching films or family examples where elders talk in front of us that those who say no are bad. Frequently “kindness” is correlated with saying “yes” but in reality these are two distinct things. According to psychologist Dr Susan Newman, author of “The Book of No” the challenge is more in women than men. In the words of Dr. Newman, “Girls are raised to be care givers and nurturers, and that is why the issue is much more prevalent for women compared to men”, however in my opinion the problem isn’t gender specific and it is both in women and men.
In order to understand this little better let me tell you the reasons that makes a person always say yes-
For Love- It is proven fact that human beings are emotional and we all want love and affection. This is one of the most significant reasons that lead some of us to say yes because we think saying No will draw people besides us and we won’t be loved just as much.
Fear of being rejected- We all want to be loved and hate being rejected. The idea of rejection is painful and sometimes just from doubt, a number people say yes in spite of the fact that we would like to say no in our heart.
For showing kindness- We’ve seen this in the films that great people are always giving and kind, and bad people are always unkind.They always say no to everybody. Saying No is often related to rudeness and hence we choose to be kind instead of being rude.
For doubt of prospective- We often take wrong jobs and stay with those who take us for granted just because we develop a comfort zone around those familiar people and jobs. As humans, we sense danger in the unknown areas and therefore keep giving ourselves false explanations; to stay in those wrong jobs and with wrong people and keep saying yes to the things that make us miserable.
Cultural pressure- As children we are constantly taught to be kind and say yes to everyone especially to elders and people in authoritative positions such as teachers. Hence, a number of us as adults, find it hard to say no to elderly people and to the managers at work place.
The cycle which starts in our youth keeps going and we are trapped to the extent that we begin feeling guilty whenever we say no to people. In most of the cases it is just an over hyped scenario that we construct in our minds. In a few other cases however, things get weird after people, who are habitual of listening from us suddenly start getting no. They start feeling that we’ve turned arrogant and some even feel helpless. Sometimes we end up feeling lonely due to the sudden troubles we face in our close relationships. The same thing occurs in the office where our coworkers and managers don’t expect us to say no.
Regardless of all these impacts, in my opinion saying no is much better than saying yes for most of the things because of the following reasons-
It gives you the chance to be true to yourself- Saying No to matters that makes you unhappy saves your time and energy for doing other productive stuffs. It gives you the time to become really involved in the things that you truly enjoy doing.
Great for mental health- There is nothing worse than saying yes for something you don’t wish to do. In my personal experience, it attracts a lot of frustration and unnecessary strain. Saying No without feeling guilty will help you feel relaxed and you can perform your routine with increased attention and positive energy.
It gives you the confidence to need what you think you deserve- Learning to say No gives boost to your confidence level and helps you to need for the things you actually deserve, whether it’s respect in personal relationships, higher pay or increased responsibilities at work.
It helps you understand who your true well wishers are- People who stick to you just for getting favor of some kind won’t stay with you once they learn that you are capable of saying No to them. Hence, it’s also a good technique to understand who all of your real wishers are.
Saying No is extremely tough for men and women that are in the habit of saying yes. Some tips derived from my personal experiences to tackle this issue-
Understand that saying no does not makes you a bad person- As adults, it’s our choice whether to say yes or no for something. Letting go off the youth preaching and saying no with confidence doesn’t makes you a bad person.
Take time before you say yes- Every time somebody asks you to do something, do not say yes immediately, rather take time (a day or two), and think whether or not you actually want to do it. After contemplating, politely accept or deny the request.
Remember that your self-worth doesn’t depend on what others think of you- Your self-worth is what you understand and it should not be subject to opinion of others. You don’t need to please everybody you know. Realize that you are better than that and certainly worth much more.
It’s a fantastic thing to be considerate, generous, Rockledge Squirrel Removal and helping. Someone can be kind and in the same time set his/her boundaries. It is important not to lose ourselves and our self-respect on the way to becoming saying yes. It is quite easy to say yes”.